Writing a letter of sympathy or condolence is one of the most difficult things to do. It can be hard to put your feelings into words. However, this simple gesture can mean a lot to someone who is grieving. In this time of social distancing, a letter can be a physical reminder of your love and support when you aren’t able to be with your loved one in person.

Here are some tips for this task.

1) Write a personal note by hand. While you can always pick up a store-bought card, a handwritten note is usually more effective. Try to write your note using your own voice. Don’t feel like you need to say anything fancy, just speak from your heart.

2) Express sympathy. Start off by expressing your sadness at hearing about their loss.

3) Acknowledge the loss and refer to the deceased by name. You don’t need to dance around the issue. Your loved one knows why you are writing them a letter. It’s ok to be direct and say that you are sorry someone they loved has died. It’s also good to name the person who has passed.

4) Include your favorite memory of the deceased. This gives your loved one something to laugh or smile about. It also lets your loved one know that the loss is felt by others. If you don’t know the person your loved one lost, it’s ok to skip this step.

5) If you offer to help, make it specific.  Even in this time of social distancing, there are still chores you can help with. Say, "I’d like to have a meal delivered to your house on Wednesday" or "I’d like to come mow your lawn this weekend."

 6) Don’t try to explain the loss or compare your loss with theirs. Telling someone that it is "God’s plan" or "God’s will" in the midst of grief will likely make them only feel worse. And since everyone’s grief is different, comparing their loss to yours can seem callous and unfeeling. Even if you think you know how they feel, you may not.