You have just lost a beloved pet. As you struggle to accept this difficult loss, you may find yourself consumed by pain, fear, and grief. Throughout this year we will send you monthly grief newsletters. We hope these newsletters will help support you on your grief journey and help you to begin to process your grief.
You have just lost a beloved pet. As you struggle to accept this difficult loss, you may find yourself consumed by pain, fear, and grief.
Grief is a natural response to losing a pet who was important to you. Grief hurts, but it is necessary. When a death tears your world apart, grieving is the process that helps put it back together.
While grief is natural, it is also highly individual. No one can tell you exactly how you will, or should, experience grief.
Reactions to Death
Certain reactions to the death of a beloved pet are quite common and you can
expect to experience some of them. You may go into shock. If the death was
unexpected, you may even find yourself denying at first that the pet has died.
"You feel numb, you feel like a spectator watching what's going on,"
explains Dr. Earl Grollman, noted author of books on death, dying and
bereavement. Grollman says this response is nature's way of protecting you, of
insulating you from what is happening.
Anger
Another immediate reaction to a death is anger. You may feel anger toward the vet
who couldn't save your pet and toward God. You may even feel anger toward your pet
for leaving you. Unfortunately, most of us were taught as children that anger
is something to be avoided; you may therefore feel guilty when your anger will
not go away.
Guilt
You could find yourself feeling guilty for several reasons. You may believe you
somehow should have prevented the death or should have been present to say
goodbye.
Depression
As the reality of a death sinks in, it is common for the bereaved to slip into depression. Even if you are normally a committed, caring person, you could find that you don't care about anything or anyone.
When you lose a pet, you also experience "secondary losses" that accrue because of the death. You lose out on many experiences you would have had together, which can compound your grief.
Preoccupation
Another common reaction among grievers is preoccupation with the pet who died.
You may think about him or her constantly, re-create the circumstances of the
death over and over in your mind, have dreams or nightmares about your pet - you
may even think you see or hear him or her. Many people are surprised and
frightened by the intensity of these reactions, but it's important to realize
that, bizarre as they may seem, these reactions are normal.
The mental strain of grief can take a physical toll as well. It's not unusual for the bereaved to lose weight, have trouble sleeping, become irritable or listless, or feel short of breath.
Coping with Grief
How can you overcome the problems of grief? You must first recognize that grief
is necessary, and that it is something you must work through. As Grollman says,
there is no shortcut through grief.
One of the best ways to begin working through grief is to have a memorial service for your pet. This helps confirm the reality of death and serves as a focus for expressing feelings of loss. A memorial service can also stimulate mourners to begin talking about the deceased, one of the first steps toward accepting the death.
Both before and after the memorial service, it is important that you express your feelings. Take time to cry and don't be afraid to share your tears. Talk openly with family members and friends. Don't try to "protect" other family members by hiding your sadness: it helps them as much as it does you. Express your anger if you are feeling it. This is the time to lean on friends. They may feel awkward for a while because they don't know how to talk to you about your loss. But you can help them help you by simply telling them what you need.
Lighten
Your Schedule
If you normally have a pressing schedule, try to lighten it. Remember, grief is
mentally stressful; you don't need the added strain of too much work to do. Set
aside some quiet times for yourself, so you can think about the death and your
feelings and put things in perspective.
Watch
Your Health
Remember to watch your health. With grief taking a toll on you physically, you
need to eat well and get enough sleep. Try to exercise as well. Physical
activity can often help offset depression and provide an outlet for your
emotional energy.
Seek
Support
What if you can't seem to handle your grief? It is difficult to say when a
person needs professional help, but if you are worried that you aren't coping
with your grief, it is time to seek help. You may simply be relieved to
discover that you are reacting normally.
Know
that Time Heals
Finally, remember that as time goes on, your grief will diminish. This does not
mean you will forget your pet; it means you accept the death. But he or she
will still be part of your life. Even though your relationship with your pet
has changed forever, its existence and your feelings live on forever.
Throughout this year we will send you monthly grief newsletters. We hope these newsletters will help support you on your grief journey and help you to begin to process your grief.
If at any time you have questions or need some help, do not hesitate to reach out to our funeral home. We will be happy to help connect you with resources you may need.
