Whatever the holiday is, the first time it comes around after losing a loved one will definitely be different. With your loved one gone, the traditions just won’t feel the same.
For many people, Christmas is a favorite holiday full of many traditions. Maybe you and your late husband always picked out the tree together and decorated it. Maybe you always spent Christmas morning at your late grandmother’s house.
Whatever the holiday is, the first time it comes around after losing a loved one will definitely be different. With your loved one gone, the traditions just won’t feel the same.
Many people report that they don’t feel like celebrating much at all. That it just feels wrong to continue with the festivities when their loved one isn’t there to participate. But even so, you will likely still find yourself celebrating in one way or another.
If you do feel like you want to continue to celebrate it can be helpful to start blending old and new traditions together.
How to Blend Traditions
Decide which traditions you want to keep. There will likely be some traditions you want to continue, either because they are important to other family members, or because you feel like you can honor your loved one through the tradition.
Other traditions you may wish to change. Some traditions may just be too difficult to continue without your loved one’s help. Or they may bring up too many painful memories.
And you will likely want to create some new traditions. Particularly ones that honor and help you remember your loved one.
For example, you might choose to hang up a new ornament on the tree that memorializes your loved one. Or maybe you will choose to visit their grave site on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
It may also be that you want to switch the location of where you spend the holidays, either out of necessity if the person who used to host has passed away. Or because a change of venue will help ease some of your painful memories. Either way, make a thoughtful decision about where you would like to spend your holiday.
Other Ideas for New Traditions
- Light a candle in memory of your loved one
- Incorporate a favorite dish into your meal
- Play your loved one’s favorite holiday music
- Volunteer
- Have a moment of silence to remember your loved one
Once you have made some decisions about what traditions you want to keep or change, make sure to let everyone know your plans well in advance. Remember that other people may be grieving too, so it’s best not to spring any big changes on them either at the last minute, if possible.
Be honest. If there is something you want to do or something you don’t want to do, be clear. And explain your reasoning as best as possible. Hopefully you will be able to come to an agreement.
It’s also important to remember that not everyone will be grieving the same way you are. And not everyone will want to spend the holidays the same way you do. The best you can do is try to compromise and realize that you may have to do some things on your own if you can’t come to an agreement.
How to Help the Griever
- Be sensitive to the needs of the griever.
- Suggest new traditions if the griever is having trouble coming up with something.
- But be understanding if the griever doesn’t want to celebrate in a different way, or at all this year.
