While it can be difficult to bring up your loved one who has passed, not doing so can make things even worse. Memories of the person are all around you, and of course it is impossible not to think of that person.
When a loved one passes away, it often triggers a lot of conversation about who the person was, what they had done throughout their life, and how they will be remembered. Families want to preserve and pass along these memories to future generations.
But during the holidays, it can be difficult to bring up your loved one either because the pain is too fresh or you do not want to upset anyone during what is supposed to be a happy time ... a time of family celebration. But not doing so can make things even worse. Memories of the person are all around you, and of course it is impossible not to think of that person.
One of the worst things you can do is try to bury those thoughts and feelings.
"Don’t avoid talking about the recently deceased person. Share a funny or positive story about the deceased,” says Terri Lively, LCSW.
However, for those that are supporting the griever, "don’t feel like you need to lie and say how much you will miss that person if it isn’t the truth,” says Lively. You can still be a listening ear.
Take some time with friends and family to share memories of your loved one. Share funny or happy stories about the person. Remember that it is OK to laugh, even though you are grieving.
You may want to pull out old photo albums or home videos to look through or watch with friends or family members. This may trigger some strong emotions, but can provide happy memories and stories to share about the life of your loved oned.
Another idea is to create a memorial photo table. Encourage others to share photos they have of your loved one at past holiday celebrations.
Remember ... memories are made to be shared and even though your loved one is gone, their memory will live in all those who get to share in their stories.
How to Help the Griever
- Encourage the griever to share. Ask them questions. If they get upset you can stop, but it is possible they just need a jump start.
- Start by sharing your own stories and memories.
- Share photographs with the griever, which may trigger happier memories.
