Funerals, regardless of religion, are traditionally solemn events. While Jewish funerals do have their own customs, the same common courtesy and respect should be shown as at any funeral.
Funerals, regardless of religion, are traditionally solemn events. While Jewish funerals do have their own customs, the same common courtesy and respect should be shown as at any funeral. People of all religions are welcome at Jewish funerals, but here are a few points to be aware of if you are a non-Jewish mourner.
Funerals take place as soon as possible following death, so be prepared to make immediate arrangements. Dress modestly in dark colors; a dress or long skirt for women, and a coat and tie for men. Some synagogues may ask attendees to wear head scarfs or yarmulkes, which will be provided.
Arrive early and wait quietly. Make sure to turn off your cell phone and maintain a solemn presence. It is a time of mourning. There are no flowers, music, or open casket at Jewish funerals. The casket will be simple wooden box with no adornments. The prayers may be in Hebrew, so listen respectfully and join in the ‘amen’ at the end.
It is customary to head to the cemetery after a short service. The chairs in the front are for the family, so wear comfortable shoes and stand around the gravesite being cautious not to disturb other plots. You may participate in throwing dirt into the grave at the end of the service. When leaving, it is appropriate to pay your respects to the family.
Shiva, or a seven-day mourning period for the family, begins immediately after the graveside service. You are encouraged to head to the family’s home to express your condolences and support. Bringing cards and kosher foods are acceptable, but avoid bringing flowers. It is customary to wash your hands when leaving the cemetery or before entering the family’s home. If you are unsure of what to do, follow cues from other mourners. The most important thing is to show your respect for the family.
