If your husband or wife has died, you will probably experience some of the common symptoms of grief. You may find yourself denying at first that your spouse has died. Later, you may feel numb or like a spectator watching what's going on. This is nature's way of protecting you, of insulating you from what is happening so you can adjust.

Anger and Guilt

You may also find yourself filled with anger. You may feel angry at the doctors or nurses who couldn't save your spouse, at the funeral director - even God. You may feel angry at your spouse for leaving you and then feel guilty for this anger.

You may find yourself feeling guilty for a number of reasons. It is common for the bereaved to feel guilty simply for being alive. You may believe you somehow should have prevented the death or been present to say good-bye. Because relationships are never perfect, you were bound to have had some disagreements with your spouse. Now you may feel guilty for those arguments or believe you should have been a "better" husband or wife.

Physical Signs of Grief

The mental strain of grief can take a physical toll as well. It's not unusual for the bereaved to lose weight, have difficulty sleeping, become irritable or listless, or feel short of breath. Grief has even been known to cause hair loss.

Other Signs of Grief

Husbands and wives who have lost a spouse frequently become preoccupied with the person who died. You may think about your spouse constantly, re-create the circumstances of the death over and over in your mind, or have dreams or nightmares about him or her. You may even think you see or hear your spouse.

Many people are surprised and frightened by the intensity of these reactions. "Grief feels like craziness to the person who's undergoing it," explains Therese Rando, a psychologist. Dr. Rando says it is important to realize that, bizarre as they may seem, these reactions are normal.

Grieving is a natural, though incredibly difficult, process. Recognizing that grief can affect you in many ways and that it can change from day to day is one of the first step to beginning the healing process.